Port Townsend Leader, February 14, 2001
Finding a date or a mate not always easy
by Rebecca Mizhir, Leader Contributing Writer
Although Port Townsend is known for its natural beauty, Victorian houses and wooden boat finery, there exists another culture — perhaps an underculture — not touted in guide books or tourist magazines. As thriving and central to Port Townsend life as abundant hot coffee and unending rain, the culture of the single woman or man in Port Townsend is one of confusion, celebration and generalized Northwest angst.
Many newcomers to Port Townsend assume that the rules of the dating and intimacy game might be the same here as in any other cosmopolitan village, but it seems that the rules are different. Then again, there are not many other cosmopolitan villages as suited to oddity, community and unusual grooming habits as is Port Townsend.
Some of the perils of single life in any small town hold true in Port Townsend — such as having the entire town watch one’s every move and silently vote on whether a new couple will last, is dysfunctional, or is making a big mistake. However, there also exists a unique brand of rituals and rutting behaviors, to which anyone who has spent two years here unattached can attest.
RECYCLING
A major feature of PT single life has been commonly and lovingly named “The Recycling Effect,” an effect also summed up by the phrase “It’s not your partner, it’s just your turn.” Because there is such a small and highly visible pool of single people in Port Townsend, the normal pattern of dating a series of people to eventually find one’s mate becomes a situation in which everyone has gone out with everyone else. One woman complained, “I got to a party and I saw one former boyfriend, and then another former boyfriend, and then I realized the whole room was full of future former boyfriends!”
Unfortunately, this effect can be exacerbated by another Port Townsend phenomenon, that of the partially single/part-time partnership. This phenomenon, found just about everywhere — from the boatyard to the remodeled Victorian — allows for two people to be available to others while at the same time being in a relationship with each other. This arrangement also allows for Port Townsenders to avoid the word “commitment,” which they are often loath use for anything — from a profession to a coffee date
Sometimes the part-time partner is actually a cat or dog, or even many cats and dogs. A local Tyler Street Coffee House part-time owner remarked anonymously: “Most of us aren’t single in town. We have dogs or cats.”
Port Townsend is also known for its uncanny ability to split apart couples who move here in search of solitude and a final nesting place. Many hint at a local Native American legend which suggests that port Townsend is a testing ground for relationships, and that if a pair could survive here, they could survive anywhere. “Oh yeah, I say give it six months to a year,” said one local young woman about the life expectancy of a relationship upon arrival in Port Townsend. “People come here to heal, to find out who they truly are, and that often means acknowledging if a relationship isn’t working,” added another local.
Port Townsend offers many genres of prospective mates for those engaging in dating life. One woman, commenting on the men in town, said, “A job would be good; the ability to communicate would be nice.” Another said, “I would like to find a guy who doesn’t have a bad back or a pony tail.” A third commented, “It seems all the women in town have a good income and a house, whereas all the men have a morning coffee spot and a shed.”
SHED BOYS
Which leads to the local institution of “shed boys.” In defining shed boys, a group of local women provided the following insights; “Shed boys live in little structures where running water is not required. They’re always single, always out and about because they can’t make coffee at home, and always willing to talk to you about the great deal they got at the thrift store.” Another woman clarified, “They’re guys who live in little boats or shacks and have an inability to commit. They can only commit to the shed.” But shed boys make great temporary or part-time partners. A third woman said, “If you’re a single woman, you find out where the sheds are!”
Besides the abundance of shed boys, there is also the “Aldrich’s scene.” As winter approached and beds get colder, many a man can be seen milling about around Aldrich’s with a twinkle in his eye. It seems this is also the time of the year when Port Townsend women begin hiding out to concentrate on their inner healing and fulfilling career. A dead giveaway as to one’s singleness and availability is to be seen regularly by oneself in Aldrich’s window. Such a sighting can serve as a visual personal ad for those looking for a mate, and one’s choice of reading material can provide an extra touch of characterization and self-revelation.
Perhaps Port Townsend single life can be summed up by the following quotation from a local single guy, “I’m in a relationship — with myself.” The rugged individualism and abundant quirkiness of many Port Townsend residents make being in a relationship more of an adjunct to life than a central focus, which leaves one lots of time to read self-help books or build a kinetic sculpture, go to yoga or get another dog.
(Rebecca Mizhir is a single woman living in Port Townsend. She acknowledges she is only telling half of the story — but single men would not commit to any direct quotes.)